Start With Who: The Real Key to Successful Partnerships
Why the right people matter more than the right ideas in deal making
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Everyone tells you to start with why. Simon Sinek built a movement on it, and for good reason as clarity of purpose inspires.
But in deal making, I’ve learned a different truth: the why doesn’t unlock the deal. The who does.
You can have the best idea, the smartest strategy, even perfect timing. But if you’re across the table from the wrong person, you’re already set up for failure.
The Wrong Person Kills Good Deals
I’ve worked with the wrong people inside the right companies. And it rarely works out.
Why? Because they didn’t have the influence, vision & motivation to get things done.
In business development, motivation and alignment matter. If the person you’re working with can’t mobilize resources, shift priorities, or win over decision makers, then even the sharpest “why” won’t survive contact with reality.
The CEO’s First Question
One of my earliest lessons came when I was leading a major negotiation. We were on our way to meet the CEO of a global company to shape the future of our partnership.
I had spent hours crafting my brief, building it around the “why.” I re-watched Simon Sinek, polished every line, and rehearsed until I was sure I’d nailed it. By the time we stepped into that car, I was confident I could knock it out of the park.
Big mistake.
Before we even arrived, the CEO turned to me and asked:
“Who are we meeting?”
Not why. Not what. Not how. Who.
And he didn’t mean the person’s job title. He wanted to know who they really were. Their influence. Their motivations. Their priorities as a human being.
In his mind, the who unlocked everything. Because once you’re in front of the right person, someone with authority, vision, and skin in the game then the why can shift, evolve, and grow into something bigger than you imagined. The real opportunity comes from the connection.
Coming back to the story… luckily, I had prepared for the who and was able to quickly adjust my flow to start with that, and only then shifting to the why. It was a close call, and a lesson I never forgot.
Every Deal Is a Startup — Find Your Cofounder
Think of it this way: every major deal you strike is like launching a new company.
When you build a startup, the most important decision isn’t the product, the pitch, or even the business model. It’s the cofounder. The person you choose to build with will make or break the venture. History proves this with people like Jobs and Wozniak, Page and Brin, Hastings and Randolph. The why came later. The who came first.
A partnership works the same way. The person across the table isn’t just a counterpart; they’re your cofounder in a business that lives between your two companies. Together, you’re creating something entirely new such as a joint venture, a product, a distribution engine.
And for it to succeed, they need to be as committed as you are. They need to breathe it, feel it, and be willing to do whatever it takes to make the idea real.
Pick the wrong cofounder, and the deal will stall no matter how strong the why. Pick the right one, and you’ll unlock opportunities far bigger than the ones you imagined when you first walked into the room.
Why Human Connection Multiplies Value
Harvard Business Review found that when counterparts build rapport before diving into terms, they consistently reach agreements that create mutual value, this is proof that connection isn’t small talk, it’s strategy (HBR, 2025).
Inside companies, the same holds true. Paul Zak’s research at Claremont Graduate University showed that high-trust workplaces boost productivity by 50% and increase employee energy by more than 100% (HBR, 2017). If that’s what trust can do internally, imagine the compounding effect when two organizations build it together.
Even in venture capital, Stanford research shows that when founders and investors align personally not just strategically and those companies are far more likely to scale successfully (Stanford eCorner, 2024).
The pattern is undeniable: relationships don’t just add value, they multiply it.
The Human Advantage in an AI World
In an age where AI can generate pitches, models, and business strategies, it’s tempting to think the why or the what is enough. But deals are still made by people.
One genuine connection can flip the entire reason you walked into the room and open a door 10x bigger than the one you planned for.
The who always beats the why.